Experience Points # 6

with Mandy Brown, Coach & Mentor

Hi Reader,

"Only connect with someone on LinkedIn if you're sure you can change their life." - advice someone gave me during a free consult. Yiiikes. What's so wrong about my life they chose to connect with me? 🤔 Nada. 🙃

Here's the thing,Reader, you change your life. Not me.

Even if you choose to work with me, you are one changing your life.

And you're doing a damn fine job at it too! I'm so proud, Reader.

Today's newsletter will have a sales pitch for an upcoming program and some affiliate links.

If you find any of today's newsletter helpful, please let me know or consider buying me a coffee. Either way, I love hearing from y'all!

Critical Recap

Guidance (job hunting) - how to write to a recruiter
Saving Throws (wellness) - what you need to remember about assessing your skills
Proficiency Check (business acumen) - how I tell SMEs I'm autistic
Loot List (resources) - a recruiter I follow, ID agencies, a recommended booklist, and autism resources

Guidance!

Imagine, Reader, that you're a book editor of your favorite genre. You spend hours reading and evaluating manuscripts to determine if they're worth publishing, and then you work with the author to every step of the way. And on LinkedIn get the same message from various people:

Hi, I'm looking to get my manuscript published. I've attached it.
Let me know if you have any interest?

Maybe the first time you open the attachment and read a few lines. Maybe you even give feedback. But after so many messages, you just start ignoring them. Too many. Most are not even the genre you're looking for. And your time is precious.

Now imagine how a recruiter must feel when they get LinkedIn messages with similar vagueness:

Hi, I'm in the job market. I've attached my resume. Let me know if anything fits my skills and background. I'd also love any feedback you'd be willing to give.

When we write these messages to recruiters, we're asking for free labor. Please look at my resume and tell me if anything fits my skills and background. And they simply don't have enough hours in the day to find a job for you, especially when the message doesn't have any context. What if they don't even recruit for your role/industry?

Instead of writing messages like the one above, use this framework:

Briefly introduce yourself, including your background
Share the following: 1) the specific role you're interested in, 2) what kinds of employment you're open to, and 3) which environments you're open to working in
Attach your resume and share that you're open to them forwarding your info
Thank them for their time.

Even better if you've researched the recruiter's organization and share an opening you're interested in (provide the job number/link).

You want your messages to recruiters to do all the heavy lifting so they can move your candidacy forward.

If you found this helpful, join me in April for Inbox to Offer, a writing workshop series for jobseekers to communicate confidently every step of the process.

From Inbox to Offer, a workshop series

The average hiring manager receives 62 business emails a day but only opens 21% of them. It's no wonder your job hunt... Read more

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Saving Throws

I took up cross-stitching and embroidery as a meditative exercise. I wanted a tangible way to remind myself that often what I see is not what others see, and that I'm often too close to the work to be able to appreciate my skills.

the back of a cross-stitch with its messy threads. Under that it reads "What you see" next to a finished polished cross-stich, under which reads "what they see"" — We're often too close to the product to objectively appreciate our skills.

A family member recently pointed out that you're leveling up as you're creating. This means that by the time the product is finished, you're already at a higher skill level than when you started.

The act of creation means leveling up.

And if you let it, it means never being satisfied or proud of your past creations.

Of course, you see the imperfections. Of course, you remember the mess and cursing at those damn French knots!

But just because you remember that, doesn't mean you didn't create something beautiful.

Also, other people have no idea what the final pattern was or what you had envisioned. They just see the final product.

You are not objective when it comes to assessing your skills.

Let yourself level up.

Proficiency Check

I was shaky entering that meeting, stimming off-camera the entire time. And then my new SME surprised me. "I noticed in your email signature that you say you're neurodivergent. What does that mean?"

my email signature reads: As a neurodivergent individual, I appreciate a low-context communication style. I'm best supported with direct answers and feedback. Using rhetorical questions, idioms or subtext will likely confuse me. Thank you for the support! — my current email signature

"I'm autistic, which means my brain doesn't function like others. If we want to work well together, I have some specific needs..."

They made a sincere effort. They even checked in periodically to confirm that I felt supported. 🥰 It was one of the best projects I have ever worked on.

I've disclosed my needs to several SMEs now. I even created a document to lead the conversation. When I shared that with a new SME, they thanked me for making it safe to share that they're dyslexic and needed specific support too.

Now I don't necessarily recommend outing your neurodivergence in the workplace. Depending on where you are, that could be a dangerous choice. But, Reader, you can share the kind of support you need to do your best work without disclosing. In fact, having this conversation builds rapport because they feel they can share their needs with you.

When disclosing your needs with anyone, consider the following:

Communication Needs: What kind of communication do you need and through which channels? Here are mine:

Use low-context, direct communication. Clear and specific expectations and explicit instructions support me best.
Share the why behind something. I don’t pick up on subtext easily. And knowing why helps me contextualize and ground my role in the project/conversation/etc.
Limit your use of rhetorical questions, idioms, and metaphors. These can confuse me. I may interrupt you to clarify if you use them.
Embrace emojis. These support me in understanding the tone of your written messages. GIFs are also welcome.
When in doubt, over-communicate.

Processing Needs: What do you need to transition well? And how much time do you need before you're able to share your thoughts/questions? Is there anything a person could do beforehand to support you? Here are mine:

Abrupt transitions/changes can be challenging for me. Please alert me to them as soon as you know them, even if you consider them minor.
Send agendas and relevant materials ahead of meetings. This supports my need for process time and allows me to gather my thoughts/questions beforehand.
I may still need time to process information before I can respond.

Feedback Needs: How do you best receive feedback? Do you need something specific for negative vs positive feedback? What about the frequency? Here are mine:

Be specific and actionable with feedback.
Share if you’re offering a suggestion or giving a directive.
Be open to me asking why. When I understand the reasoning, I can apply that to future projects too.

Relationship Needs: What does a person need to know about you to have the best working relationship with you? What do you need from them? Here are mine:

I cannot hear my tone. That does not mean I do not care. Please assume goodwill.
My facial expressions do not always match how I actually feel. Please do not assume how I feel. I am direct and open when I feel discomfort or frustration.
You are always welcome to check in with me. I especially hope you do if I’ve misstepped and offended you. I do my best, but it’s not always obvious to me when this happens.

Sensory Needs: What does your body need in order to work at its best? Here are mine:

I may need to be off-camera in meetings, especially if I have multiple ones throughout the day.
I may stim in a meeting. Stims are repeated movements that help me regulate. It does not necessarily mean something is wrong.

Notice anything about my accommodations list? They're best practices that everyone benefits from.

That's usually the response I get from colleagues when I share this list. I resist the urge to ask, "Then why do I have to say anything?" And instead go with the line "Yes, when we make the world accessible, everyone benefits." (I refer to this moment specifically if I get accessibility pushback later in the project.)

Take some time to consider these questions and write your own accommodation needs. You don't have to share them. But knowing them will support your level-setting conversations.

Have a business question? Ask me here or email me.

Loot List

Bonnie Dilber - I follow this recruiter on LinkedIn. Her posts are insightful, and she pushes back on biased hiring. Advocate for the job seeker 🥰
Saving Throws Booklist - these changed my life. A few of them I've already recommended. And now, if you buy from this list, local bookstores and I will make a little somethin'.😉
ID Staffing Agencies - a list I found in my drive and added to over the years (had completely forgotten about it until now!). I've removed my job-hunting notes and figured you'd like to see the list too! I'll add to it as I find more recruiting and ID agencies. (Please do not consider this an endorsement of any organization. As this will things, do your own research).
Embrace Autism - This site has tests that give insight into the autism spectrum. I've heard of individuals taking these results with them to diagnostic appointments. But even if you're not pursuing an official diagnosis, I've found the results to be helpful in understanding my specific needs.
Samantha Craft’s Autistic Traits Checklist - A lot of autism research is white, cis-men centered, which means the indicators society uses to diagnose autism are skewed. If you're not white and male (and maybe even if you are), you may find this list helpful for "atypical" presentations.
Kinder World - This free, peaceful app gives me a moment to reflect on my needs through watering house plants. Every once in a while a pup shows up with letters for me too. Friend me with the code 9R4TK4 if you want to have Tulips in your virtual garden! (Yep, this is an affiliate link.)